And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
