did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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