It's Friday. Sex?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
