Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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