Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
