i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
