oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The power of my boobs compel you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
