That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
