I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
