Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
