You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
