His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
