Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
