So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
