Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
