you didnt know i had herpes?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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