They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They took my balls.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize