Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
