just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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