im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize