i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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