Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
