Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I understand Curling. That high.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
