How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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