the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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