My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
