what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
