My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I sprained my soul last night
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
