If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
