omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize