If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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