Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
