my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
