you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
