It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
