Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
