apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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