You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
