be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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