my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm at about main and main street
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
