last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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