ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
