This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
