There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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