is your mom at the bar?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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