I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
