I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
