I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
