ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
