id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
