i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry about my life...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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