I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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