he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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