Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
