I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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