The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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