Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
