the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
