I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
