Sry I called you an 8
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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