Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
