If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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