i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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