32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
