I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
