I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
