doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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