apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
