Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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