i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
