would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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